


Getting To Know Facebook Messenger

by lynnkath08



Series: Life After Hogwarts [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Crazy, F/M, Facebook, Fluff and Humor, Group chat, Implied/Referenced Sex, Social Media
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:34:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23159356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lynnkath08/pseuds/lynnkath08
Summary: After Draco learns about Facebook Messenger, he invites Hermione to a group chat. Crazy things go on in the group chat.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Series: Life After Hogwarts [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1644262
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	Getting To Know Facebook Messenger

Hermione was scrolling through her phone when she received a notification from her Messenger. Her phone kept getting several notifications and she realized she was invited to a group chat, by Draco Malfoy. Not only that, her former schoolmates were also in the group chat. Draco's friends, as well as her friends.

 **Draco Malfoy** added **Hermione Granger**.

 **Draco Malfoy** named the conversation _**Welcome, Hermione Granger!**_

 **Draco Malfoy:** Hermione's here, everyone!

 **Ginny Potter:** Hermione's here! Yay!

 **Harry Potter:** I'm still learning how to use Facebook

 **Miles Bletchley:** I just discovered High School Musical, and I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Oliver Flint-Wood:** WE'RE SOARIN'

 **Marcus Flint-Wood:** FLYIN'

 **Blaise Zabini:** THERE'S NOT A STAR IN HEAVEN THAT WE CAN'T REACH

 **Pansy Parkinson:** WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!!!!!!!

 **Hermione Granger:** Um, hi everyone.

 **Draco Malfoy:** Make her feel welcome, guys and girls!

 **Hermione Granger:** Thanks, Draco.

 **Draco Malfoy:** No problem! And sorry, we're still kind of getting used to Facebook and all other social media

 **Terence Weasley-Higgs:** I just discovered tic-tac-toe signs in front of words and phrases

 **Hermione Granger:** That "tic-tac-toe sign" is actually called a pound sign, or number sign, but nowadays people call it "hashtag."

 **Percy Weasley-Higgs:** What exactly are hashtags for?

 **Hermione Granger:** Anything, really.

 **Harry Potter** added **Arthur Weasley** and **Molly Weasley**.

 **Ginny Potter:** Welcome to Facebook, Mum and Dad!

 **Arthur Weasley** named the conversation _**Harry Potter still hasn't told me the exact function of a rubber duck!!**_

 **Harry Potter:** *facepalms*

 **Arthur Weasley:** So, Harry, what exactly IS the function of a rubber dick?

 **Arthur Weasley:** Dock

 **Arthur Weasley:** Ducl

 **Arthur Weasley:** Duck

 **Draco Malfoy** removed **Arthur Weasley** from the conversation.

 **Ginny Potter** added **Arthur Weasley**.

 **Adrian Pucey:** Mr. Arthur Weasley, the exact function of a rubber dick is to provide pleasure

 **Astrid Pucey:** A rubber dick is also known as a dildo

 **Draco Malfoy** removed **Adrian Pucey** from the conversation.

 **Draco Malfoy** removed **Astrid Pucey** from the conversation.

 **Pansy Parkinson:** Bye hoes lol

 **Miles Bletchley:** That was mean

 **Theodore Nott:** They'll get over it

 **Hermione Granger:** They still haven't changed?

 **Draco Malfoy:** They're still that nasty lovey-dovey sexy couple. Like, I'm surprised she's not even pregnant, I mean they still have two children, despite fucking so much!

 **Molly Weasley:** Language!

 **Alicia Weasley:** High five Mama Weasley!

 **Draco Malfoy** removed **Molly Weasley** from the conversation.

 **Harry Potter** added **Molly Weasley**.

 **Molly Weasley:** Thank you, Harry

 **Terence Weasley-Higgs:** Draco you asshole! Why would you kick out Mama Weasley?!

 **Molly Weasley:** Language, Terence. But thank you

 **Terence Weasley-Higgs** added **Adrian Pucey** and **Astrid Pucey**.

 **Oliver Flint-Wood** removed **Astrid Pucey** from the conversation.

 **Adrian Pucey** added **Astrid Pucey**.

 **Astrid Pucey:** Oliver you asshole! Kicking out your own sister?!

 **Astrid Pucey** removed **Oliver Flint-Wood** from the conversation.

 **Draco Malfoy:** Mrs. Molly Weasley! Astrid just said a bad word!

 **Marcus Flint-Wood** added **Oliver Flint-Wood**.

 **Arthur Weasley:** So, about that rubber duck

 **Harry Potter:** A rubber duck is used in a bath and it usually provides entertainment to whoever is bathing

 **Arthur Weasley:** Thank you, Harry!

 **George Weasley:** After all these years!

 **Fred Weasley:** Dad finally has his question answered!

 **Angelina Weasley:** Lol

 **Ginny Potter** added **Bill Weasley** and **Charlie Weasley**.

 **Bill Weasley:** Hey everyone!

 **Charlie Weasley:** Thank you for the invite, Ginny!

 **Theodore Nott** : Gingers have no souls!

 **Lucian Bole:** South Park reference lol. And yes, I just discovered South Park

 **Harry Potter** removed **Theodore Nott** from the conversation.

 **Draco Malfoy** added **Theodore Nott**.

 **Draco Malfoy:** So sensitive, Potter

 **Ginny Potter:** Who, me?

 **Draco Malfoy:** I meant you husband, duh

 **Hermione Granger:** …………I need new friends.

 **Peregrine Derrick:** I just discovered a movie called How To Train Your Dragon, and it's awesome!

 **Charlie Weasley:** WHAT?! I WANT TO SEE IT!

 **Ginny Potter:** I had the feeling Charlie was going to react that way lol

 **Miles Bletchley:** I watched the movie as well, it's amazing! I recommend that you all watch it

 **Adrian Pucey:** Astrid and I actually watched that movie last week with our kids. The kids were like "Mum! You're in the movie!" It was hilarious!

 **Charlie Weasley:** I STILL NEED TO SEE THIS MOVIE!

 **Marcus Flint-Wood** added **Graham Montague** and **Cassius Warrington**.

 **Cassius Warrington:** I was enjoying my nap until my phone woke me up!

 **Graham Montague:** It's like 5 in the afternoon

 **Cassius Warrington:** Marcus had to ruin my beauty nap! :(

 **Lucian Bole:** Yes! The entire Slytherin Quidditch Team is here!

 **Katie Bell:** So is Gryffindor!

 **Lee Jordan:** Now, now. Let's not fight in here

 **Terence Weasley-Higgs:** My neck, my back

 **Percy Weasley-Higgs:** Don't you think about that!

 **Terence Weasley-Higgs:** Oh come on, Percy!

 **Oliver Flint-Wood:** Marcus, that's our song!

 **Hermione Granger:** I have a very bad feeling about this.

 **Miles Bletchley:** Let the obscenities begin. Mwahahahahahahahahaha! >:)

 **Draco Malfoy:** I don't get it

 **Hermione Granger:** You don't want to know.

 **Marcus Flint-Wood** named the conversation _**My neck, my back......**_

 **Adrian Pucey:** Astrid, suck my dick and my sack

 **Astrid Pucey:** Adrian, grab my hair just like that

 **Terence Weasley-Higgs:** I love Percy's ass

 **Molly Weasley:** What what WHAT?!

 **Terence Weasley-Higgs:** Oops! Sorry!

 **Percy Weasley-Higgs:** Terence, smack my ass!

 **Molly Weasley:** PERCY!! What happened to you?!

 **Neville Longbottom:** My anxiety attack

 **Marcus Flint-Wood:** Oliver, kiss my anus and my sack

 **Oliver Flint-Wood:** Marc, lick my balls and my crack

 **Blaise Zabini:** I thought the lyrics were "Lick my pussy and my crack"

 **Terence Weasley-Higgs:** Those are the actual lyrics, we just like making up our own

 **Arthur Weasley:** Ooh, I want to try!

 **Arthur Weasley:** Let's eat some Muggle snacks!

 **Draco Malfoy:** Muggle snacks are so good! Pop-Tarts are my favorite!

 **Seamus Finnigan-Thomas:** So Dean and I were listening to this singer called Kesha

 **Dean Finnigan-Thomas:** And we know a perfect song for Seamus by Kesha

 **Theodore Nott:** This place about to bloooooowwww-oh-oh-oh!!

 **Dean Finnigan-Thomas:** That's the one! XD

 **Theodore Nott:** Draco, Goyle just messaged me saying he recently made a Facebook account

 **Draco Malfoy:** He's probably too stupid to use Facebook

 **Theodore Nott** added **Gregory Goyle**.

 **Gregory Goyle:** Wow theres so many people!!

 **Draco Malfoy:** *there's

 **Gregory Goyle:** Draco! Your here to!

 **Draco Malfoy:** *You're, and *too, and yes I am here. Everyone's here

 **Gregory Goyle:** Cool! Thanks for the invite Theo!

 **Theodore Nott:** You're welcome!

 **Gregory Goyle:** Theres actually a reason why Im here

 **Draco Malfoy:** I don't feel like correcting grammar anymore. What is it?

 **Hermione Granger:** *There's, *I'm

 **Draco Malfoy:** Thanks, Mione!

 **Hermione Granger:** No problem!

 **Gregory Goyle:** Millie is pregnant! Sex makes babies!

 **Draco Malfoy:** We all know that sex makes babies!

 **Theodore Nott:** Did you not pay attention in Sex-Ed?

 **Gregory Goyle:** We had a Sex-Ed class?

 **Draco Malfoy:** We did! You fell asleep the entire time!

 **Gregory Goyle:** Oh. I had no idea

 **Theodore Nott:** *facepalm*

 **Draco Malfoy:** *facepalm*

 **Blaise Zabini:** *facepalm*

 **Gregory Goyle:** Oh this is fun! *facepalm*

 **Pansy Parkinson:** Congratulations on your baby!

 **Gregory Goyle:** I have a baby?

 **Cassius Warrington:** You just said Millicent is pregnant, right?

 **Gregory Goyle:** Yeah! She is!

 **Miles Bletchley:** And you two had sex, yes?

 **Gregory Goyle:** Yup! I stuck my down there in her down there and white stuff came out of me

 **Percy Weasley-Higgs:** That "white stuff" is called ejaculation.

 **Gregory Goyle:** Yeah that stuff!

 **Katie Bell:** Seriously? How much more stupid can this guy get?!?

 **Pansy Parkinson** added **Millicent Bulstrode**.

 **Pansy Parkinson** named the conversation _**Baby Bulstrode-Goyle on board and Pansy Parkinson is the godmother!!**_

 **Pansy Parkinson:** OMG Millie I'm so excited for you!

 **Millicent Bulstrode:** Thank you, Pansy! I can't wait either!

 **Gregory Goyle:** A baby! We have a baby!

 **Gregory Goyle:** njvdbguihdcsdjgkbn

 **Theodore Nott:** Uh, is he ok?

 **Millicent Bulstrode:** Lol he fainted

 **Blaise Zabini:** Pansy, what's with the group name?

 **Pansy Parkinson:** Don't judge

* * *

_***Private messaging, Draco and Hermione*** _

**Draco:** Mione, I'm so sorry you had to witness Goyle's stupidity!

 **Hermione:** Lol it's alright. I've witnessed it all during our time at Hogwarts.

 **Draco:** True. But he's 33 now, and he didn't even know sex made babies!

 **Hermione:** Just imagine how he'd react once Millicent goes in labor and gives birth.

 **Hermione:** Wait. How long have Goyle and Millicent been together? Gosh, I'm so behind with everyone's lives!

 **Draco:** Lol it's ok. First, they dated for 3 months, broke up for a month, and back together for 2 months

 **Hermione:** What happened? Why did they break up?

 **Draco:** Well, this is going to sound crazy, but when they had sex, the one they had before they broke up, Goyle moaned out Crabbe's name, and Millicent got mad at him. She questioned why he moaned Crabbe's name, and he told her that she sort of looked like a girl version of Crabbe.

 **Hermione:** Oh my goodness! What?!

 **Draco:** I know, right! After a month of being broken up, Goyle actually came crying at Millicent's door, telling her he missed her. She missed him too, and they got back.

 **Hermione:** I wonder how Millicent copes with Goyle's stupidity.

 **Draco:** Just like how you'd cope with my Drama Queen personality :)

 **Hermione:** OMG!

 **Draco:** Lol!

 **Draco:** But yeah. Sorry about all the craziness in the group chat

 **Hermione:** Lol it's fine.

 **Hermione:** Ron just sent me a friend request. Should I accept?

 **Draco:** He sent me one too! But I'm not accepting. Do you feel comfortable about it?

 **Hermione:** Not really.

 **Draco:** Then you don't have to accept his request

 **Hermione:** Ok. Thanks, Draco :)

 **Draco:** No problem :)

 **Draco:** So, Scorpius just told me to ask you on another date

 **Hermione:** Did he really?

 **Draco:** Yeah. He really likes you.

 **Hermione:** He's a sweet kid. Rose and Hugo want me to go on more dates with you. They're very fond of you.

 **Draco:** And they're very good kids

 **Hermione:** Thank you. :)

 **Draco:** Anytime, Hermione :)


End file.
